A Potpourri of Obloquy

From a friend; can't resist posting 'em.

One-offs:

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
James Reston, about Richard Nixon

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder

Call-and-retort:

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
Churchill's reply: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second if there is one."

William Faulkner on Ernest Hemingway: "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
Hemingway's response: "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

Gladstone to Disraeli: "You will die either on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
Disraeli's reply: "That depends upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
Churchill's reply: "If I were your husband, I'd drink it."