Laugh Lines

Three things from this past weekend of theatregoing that made me laugh, helplessly and hard.

“We’re gonna scare you till you pee!”
--Peace Squad Goes 99

Professor: You’ve not understood my example. Suppose that you have only one ear.
Pupil: Yes, and then?
Professor: If I gave you another one, how many would you have then?
Pupil: Two.
Professor: Good. And if I gave you still another ear, how many would you have then?
Pupil: Three.
Professor: Now, I take one away… and there remain… how many ears?
Pupil: Two.
Professor: Good. I take away still another one, how many do you have left?
Pupil: Two.
Professor: No. You have two, I take one away—I eat one up, then how many do you have left?
Pupil: Two.
Professor: I eat one of them… one.
Pupil: Two.
Professor: One!
--The Lesson

“Open the door so I can kill you!”
--A Flea Her Ear